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| Re: Winds of Change [message #1705 is a reply to message #1704] |
Fri, 27 July 2012 17:34   |
Tikatu
Messages: 813
Registered: April 2012
Location: South Carolina
Karma:
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Field Commander
Ubiquitous one |
 
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From: TracyFan4Ever Sent: 5/28/2007 5:38 PM
******Tuesday, August 28, 2068; 4 p.m.; Tracy Island******
Callie walked onto the balcony where she found Anna. "Mrs. Hanson?"
"Callie. Sit down." Anna waved at the pool below them. "How do you like my new office?"
With a shrug, Callie said, "I guess your office isn't quite ready yet."
Anna grinned. "I figured you'd like to be outdoors with a view, considering you won't have an outdoors for a while."
"Mm-hmm," Callie answered, nodding. "I'm heading back to Thunderbird Five in a couple of days. At least I know he won't be there to find me."
Anna didn't reply to this comment about the Hood. "How are you sleeping?"
"I can tell you it has gotten better. Doc took me off the sleeping pills but wanted to keep me on the anti-depressants for a little while longer." Taking a deep breath, Callie added, "Right now I'm scared to be alone."
"Understandable. I'd be more worried if you weren't scared. Do you think you can handle being alone on Thunderbird Five?"
"As long as it's off Earth, yes, I can. It's not like the Hood has a rocket and can get up there so easily anyway. I think I'll be okay up there." She looked up. "It's strange. When I'm thinking about being on a rescue, I can cast that creep out of my mind. I mean, the last rescue in Australia, for example. I admit, the heat did bring the memory back a little bit, but when I concentrated on the fire, he wasn't anywhere in my thinking process."
Anna nodded. "You found something to keep you preoccupied enough. When the rescue was over, did he come back into your mind again?"
"Yes, but not as bad as before. It's slowly starting to go away, but it's going to take a long time. At least I don't have to worry while I am up at Five."
"Have you talked to Mr. Tracy about this? You should. I think you'll be fine, but you and he should have a backup plan in place in case you do have a problem. Sometimes knowing there is a way out can make handling something easier. And I doubt you would take a way out unless you really needed it."
Callie said, "You're right. I'm one of those stubborn types who can wait too long for help." She sighed once more.
Again, Anna flashed a quick grin. "I have a button at home that says 'Stubborn little B---- and proud of it!'. Sometimes you need to be stubborn, to just hold on and refuse to give in. Do you feel the antidepressants are helping?"
"Oh, yes, they've helped me quite a lot. Being home with my family earlier this month also helped take some of the worry away. I felt...safe being around them. I just wish I didn't have to lie." Callie hung her head in shame when she said that.
"What exactly are you lying about? I'm sure there were things in the World Space Agency you couldn't talk about. How is this different?"
Clenching her right hand into a fist, she answered, "I have to tell them I'm working at Tracy Industries in Hawaii. What if there's a family emergency and someone tries to call me in Honolulu?" Her anger slowly rising, she said, "They'll never forgive me for lying. I've never had to lie before."
"The possibility of someone trying to contact you in Hawaii is a problem. Have you talked to Mr. Tracy about that? And why would your family never forgive you? Surely someone in your family has had to keep secrets as part of their job before. Would they never forgive you for not talking about some other aspect of your work?" Anna's tone was one of polite inquiry.
"That's just it. I don't know." Shaking her head, Callie looked up at the sky. "I mean, sure there were some things I couldn't talk about with the ISS with my family, but they understood that was classified information. Being in International Rescue is a different story."
"Because you want to tell them and you can't." Anna's voice had become gentle.
"Mm-hmm." Tears started to come from Callie's eyes. "I've always been close to my family. I hate this. I hate lying."
"Hate lying or hate not being able to share this with your family?" Anna went on. "If you told your family you were working in a secret location but you were based out of Hawaii, it would be true. But somehow, I don't think that would solve your problem." She was silent for a second, looking thoughtful. "I had a friend once who had to conceal her marriage. Her husband's family would have tossed him out and he needed their support to finish school. She had all this joy that she couldn't share. Plus, normally you would have gone to your family for support after the Hood attacked you. But you couldn't. So a major support block was gone, pulled out from under you."
"When I was at home, one of my older brothers found the sleeping pills Doc gave me. He got worried about me."
"Does he normally snoop into your life? I mean, it's nice that he cares, but you are over 21 - aren't you? If everything else hadn't been going on would you have resented his finding the pills or laughed it off? I mean lots of people use sleeping pills. It's not a sign of a serious problem."
"I did resent him finding the pills, particularly after he asked why Dr. Tracy prescribed them to me." A hand on the edge of the chair, Callie added, "I just said having to change from Eastern Time to Hawaiian time was giving me sleeping problems. I was worried in the argument I would blurt out what really happened."
"You ought to be able to relax at home. Instead you remained tense the whole time, afraid you might say the wrong thing. You didn't feel you could relax at all. And that's not an appropriate feeling for you at home."
"It was only at that time, though. The rest of the time was relaxing...until I got a letter from my ex-boyfriend. It brought back painful memories about the relationship I had." She explained to Anna what had happened between her and her ex-boyfriend in college, leading her not to even look for someone.
"So you got really close to this guy, close enough that you thought it might be permanent then 'Bam!', he dumps you in order to look good to his friends. What a jerk. Aren't you glad you didn't get stuck with him? You certainly wouldn't be working for International Rescue if you had."
Callie was taken aback by Anna's words. "I never thought of it that way. If I were still with him now, I wouldn't even be here. I'd probably be a stay-at-home mom."
"And I'm sure you would be a wonderful stay-at-home mom. Even a wonderful not-stay-at-home mom. Instead you're here, with one of the most exciting jobs in the world. You love it; plus you're using all your training and talents. Granted, raising kids is one of the most challenging jobs there is, but you can still do that if you want. Look at Dom and Joshua. But you are a well-defined person in your own right now." Anna grinned wryly. "I just had a similar conversation with someone else. Marriage has to be between two equals. Otherwise it eats up one of the people involved." Correcting herself, she added, "Actually, that's true of any close relationship. Friend, co-worker - all of these have to be between equals."
Callie nodded, realizing she had extra issues bothering her. "Thanks, Mrs. Hanson. I guess I had a lot more on me than I thought." With a shrug she added, "I thought I was going to talk to you just about how I was doing before I went up to Five, not all these other problems."
"This is how you are doing before you go up to Five. You really can't separate one from the other. How do you feel about being up there alone for a month?"
"I'll admit, it can get lonely at times, not being around people and having to hear only the constant radio signals, never knowing if and when any one could be the call that needs to get IR going."
Anna nodded with understanding and was ready to bring this session to a close. "Ok, two things. One, do not stop taking your antidepressants while you're up there. The side effect of quitting use is usually slight, but it can become severe." Callie nodded. Anna went on. "Two, I want to set up a phone session with you next week."
"A phone session?"
"Yes, an appointment over the phone. I do it for some of my patients when they're gone for a while or when I'm on vacation and they need to see me on a regular basis. You call up and we do this over the phone. If you need to, you can call me anytime, day or night. Just don't expect coherence in the morning." This time Callie grinned. "But I'm used to being woken up for a crisis. Call me during the day, even if it isn't a crisis but you just need to talk. You can be alone up there, but I don't want you to feel isolated. Okay?"
"I'll do that," Callie said with some building confidence in her voice.
"Are you still writing in your diary?" After Callie nodded, she added, "Good. Keep doing that. If your nightmares start coming back, try to write them down, too. And if they come back more than occasionally, call me or Dianne. Got that?"
"I do, Mrs. Hanson. I really appreciate your hearing me out. I feel like I got so much off my back, but I know this isn't going to disappear in a day." She shook Anna's hand. "I have a long way to go, but at least I know I'm not completely alone."
"No, you're not alone. You still have your family, and you have friends. Do you want be to bring up the 'secret location based out of Hawaii' idea up with Mr. Tracy?"
Thinking about it for a few seconds, Callie nodded. "I think so. I just need the peace of mind, knowing my family can contact me in case something does happen."
"I suspect he already has something in place for that. He's a sneaky old guy. You know what they say about old age and treachery."
"Knowing Mr. Tracy, you're probably right. There's tight security, and then there's International Rescue."
Anna laughed. "True. Well, I think I hear dinner calling my name. If you want to talk more, see me tomorrow. Otherwise, have a good trip."
"Thanks, Mrs. Hanson. I'm so glad you're here on the island. Maybe when I get back, and if you're here, we'll take a swim in the pool."
"Maybe." With that, they both stood up and walked into the house - Callie toward the Monorail and Anna toward dinner.
Callie's session with Anna by susanmartha1 and TracyFan4Ever
   My IR:TNP OTP!
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Winds of Change
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